Date: 5 Apr 1998 21:26:44 GMT From: MrsSpooky3 Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: NEW: What The Syndicate *Really* Does by Emily Hashimoto TITLE: What The Syndicate *Really* Does AUTHOR: Emily Hashimoto(mrsspooky3@aol.com) RATING: PG-13 CLASSIFICATION: RVH KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully Romance. Conspiracy(sort of). SUMMARY: A look inside the Syndicate's real agenda DISCLAIMER: Dana Scully and Fox Mulder aren't mine. They are characters belonging to the big kahunas over there at 1013 Productions. People who also aren't mine, and I'm sorry for using= The Elders, The Cigarette Smoking Man, The Well-Manicured Man, Marita Covarrubias, and Alex Krycek. Sorry to Dawson's Creek. You're good, I love ya, didn't mean to bust ya, but hey, that's the price you pay. SPOILERS: Squeeze, One Breath, Pusher, Musings Of A Cigarette Smoking Man, Terma, Redux 2, Patient X, and The Red And The Black(most are minor) FEEDBACK: FEED ME!!!! I love feedback! E-mail me at mrsspooky3@aol.com ARCHIVE: Tell me where and thus shall receive. And keep my name on it. AUTHORS NOTE: My life has become odd. Everyday I get some bizarre idea for a fanfic. Here's one of them! I'm not quite sure how I came to this idea, but I loved writing it. Also, this may seem, oh, a li'l bit wacky, but I was in a happy-silly mode when I wrote this. My inspiration for this story was a fanfic called "Think Before You Use *That* Title!" So thank you to those authors. And, all you KrycekLovers. When you read this, please don't be offended. What The Syndicate *Really* Does by Emily Hashimoto "Turn on the monitor, you bloody fool," commanded The Well Manicured Man (whose real name was Bob) to Alex Krycek. "Okay, okay," Krycek mumbled. He'd had it with being a servant boy for the Syndicate, but since they had caught him and chained him up, there was not much else he could do. They had also threatened to cut off another appendage if he didn't stop kissing everyone on the cheek. "Shut up, all you damn morons! My favorite show is coming on!" shouted The First Elder (whose real name was also Bob). He then turned the TV on to the WB and watched the opening on Dawson's Creek. "Not tonight, old man," said The Second Elder(whose real name was Bob). "We have another project at hand, and it must be discussed ASAP." "What the hell does ASAP stand for? I'm sick of all these goddamn acronyms! I think that's what we should do next! Save the world from insanity and acronyms," reasoned The Third Elder, whose name was Morty. "Dawson! Don't be so selfish! You're hurting Jen *and* Joey!" The First Elder shouted. Everyone gave him a weird look, so he sank in his seat and blushed. "Um, okay," WMM said, moving his chair away from The First Elder. "We have been in the process of Project MS69, am I correct?" "Yes. Although we have not been successful, it will work this time," The Third Elder assured. "Joey? Don't kiss him! He'll just break your heart!" sobbed The First Elder. "TFE? Don't cry. Krycek, turn off the tele, he's so upset--" The Well Manicured Man murmured. "WMM, did you just say, tele?" asked The Third Elder, Morty. "Why, yes I did. Why?" "No reason." "No. Tell me why." "It's just...odd." "It is not! They say it in Britain." "That's my point. In case you haven't noticed, you aren't in the U.K. anymore, you redcoat!" "Who the hell do you think you are, Paul Revere? You gonna climb up on a horse and shout, 'The redcoats are coming'?" "Actually, he didn't. That didn't really happen--" Krycek interjected. "SHUT UP, KRYCEK!" The Well Manicured Man and The Third Elder shouted in unison. "No! Even guys with one arm have feelings, too!" The Second Elder looked at The First Elder and muttered, "This is crazy!" "I'm trying to watch Dawson's Creek, dammit! Leave me the hell alone!" The First Elder yelled. "Fine. I don't care," The Second Elder yelled back, and then stuck out his tongue at him. He sunk back in his chair and pouted. At that moment, The Cigarette Smoking Man (whose real name was The Cigarette Smoking Man) walked into the dark smoky room. "I'm gone for a couple of months, and y'all turned it into a war zone? Gentleman, I'm displeased." With that, he lit up a cigarette, and sat down. Suddenly, The Third Elder started giggling uncontrollably. "What?" CSM said, irked at this man's sudden laughter. "You said y'all!!" "So?" "Where the hell were you, the Deep South? HA! You said y'all! I'm gonna get me some grits and chitlins!" He began laughing so hard that he fell off his chair and didn't notice. CSM sighed and pulled out whiskey. "This sucks." "Tell me about it," The Second Elder said. "Ever since Quiet Willy killed you, they've been like this. Hey, I guess he didn't really kill you." "Nope. So how's that son of a gun, anyway? I miss him." "Oh. He's dead. Flame torch." "Oh." The First Elder wiped tears from his face as he turned of the TV. "That show is great! They should win a Grammy!" Everyone looked around, puzzled. "Um, a Grammy is for music. Do you mean an Emmy?" The Third Elder asked gently. "Oh, yeah. Yeah, I meant that," The First Elder said, sniffling. "We have to get back to business. How's the MS69 project?" CSM wondered aloud. "Almost defunct. In fact, before pansy boy over there started watching Dawson's Creek, we were going to watch some recorded tape. Krycek?" Krycek sighed. He got up and turned the VCR on. Just then, Marita Covarrubias entered and sat down. The Syndicate looked at her expectantly. "Well?" The Second Elder asked. "Oh, here," she said, and threw the photos on the table. Krycek walked up to the table next to Marita and began to sit down. "Eww!" she screamed. "For God's sake, what the hell is wrong, Marita?" CSM asked. She shuddered. "Krycek is *not* sitting next to me. He's so gross, and he kisses like a thirteen year old. He also has cooties!" "He doesn't kiss like a thirteen year old," The First Elder reasoned. Everyone gave him another weird look as he blushed again and sank into his chair. "I do not! And I'm not sitting next to you anyway, so ha!" They moved away from each other, and pouted. "Can we please watch the damn tape?!?!" The Second Elder screamed. Everything was silent. "There's no need to be hostile," The Third Elder whispered. The Second Elder smiled. "Fine." He put the tape in the VCR and sat down. Marita gazed over at Krycek. She did like him, but he was so crappy in bed--well, that was just not forgivable. Even if he was the cutest spy she'd ever seen. The TV screen held images of six years. They varied in time, place, and a lot of other things. But the people were always the same. "Do you think I'm spooky?" was where the tape was paused. "As you can see, the UST around these two people is incredible," The Second Elder said. A collective, "Ahh," fell over the room. "Now we'll skip ahead a year. Look at Mulder's face. He's so distraught, yet is keeping emotional distance. But even though his words don't mean much, 'You've always had the strength of your beliefs,' and what the hell does that mean, it's obvious he loves her." Everyone nodded silently. The Second Elder walked up to the TV screen to peer at something. "What the hell is Mulder doing? Is he saying I love you?? Where the hell is that Pusher guy?" The First Elder gasped and looked closely at the screen, and burst into tears. "That is so beautiful!" "What? I thought TFE was tough!" Smoking Man yelled. "I was!" he answered. "But now I have a new spirit, and Dawson's Creek changed my life!" "For God's sake man! That show is fake and the writing is bad--" CSM shrilled. "Oh, yeah? Worse that yours, Smokey? I heard every book you've written totally sucked ass!" "Hey, leave my damn musings out of this! And screw you!" "Gentleman, please!" The Second Elder shouted. "Let's get back to MS69, okay? This is important." "Sure, fine, whatever," CSM and The First Elder at the same time. "As you all know, MS69 is an operation to get Agents Mulder and Scully of the FBI--" "We knew that, you ass!" Marita shouted. "Shut the hell up! As I said, this project is to get them together." "Um," said CSM. "I thought the project was to get them separated." The Second Elder started laughing, as was everyone else except CSM. "Forgive him, gentleman. He was shot, and he doesn't know about this. CSM, that has been disbanded. Now we want them to get together and do what's necessary." "That is...?" "Man? Are you crazy? They should have sex. But quickly." The Third Elder responded. "Why?" The Second Elder sighed. "I thought that was obvious." "Nope, sorry. So tell me why the HELL you want them to have sex." "I'll field that question," said Well Manicured Man, who had been fairly quiet. "We have conducted a study, that when people get laid frequently, they're a lot happier--" "You're damn right," The First Elder mumbled. "Anyway, so we decided that Mulder and Scully won't want to find the truth as long as they are laying down, if you know what I mean." "Oh. Okay. I get it, I think." "Good. Now Miss Covarrubias has a report for us." "Yes." She stood up in front of the group. "As you all know, Agents Mulder and Scully have worked together for a fair amount of time. Longer than Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett." "But that's because he sang country." Krycek piped up. "God, will you SHUT UP, KRYCEK? Anyway, as I was saying before The One Armed Man started screwing up my presentation, they have this amazing connection. To brake it would be foolish. So this plan will work. May I ask how you plan to orchestrate it?" "No?" "What the hell do you mean, no??" "I said no, Miss Covarrubias. I won't tell you." The Third Elder stuck his tongue out at Marita. She looked to Krycek for sympathy, but he turned away. "I gave you the best day of my life, and you threw it away!" he cried bitterly. "You die, Marita! You die and go to hell!" She sighed. This was royally sucking. She didn't need this. Marita sank down in a chair and lit up. "Can I go now?" "SHUT UP, KRYCEK!" THE END "Your love is better than ice cream.." --Sarah McLachan, "Ice Cream"