Date sent: Sat, 14 Mar 1998 10:59:50 -0500 From: "Shannon O'Connor" Subject: NEW -- Trilogy I: My Love's Leavin' -- VAR TITLE: Trilogy I: My Love's Leavin' AUTHOR: Shannon O'Connor E-MAIL: shannono@iname.com DATE: 4 March 1998 DISTRIBUTION: Please send to ATXC; sending to Gossamer; let me know, please, before sending it elsewhere CLASSIFICATION: VAR RATING: PG SPOILERS: US5 through "Chinga" KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully romance CONTENT WARNING: Song story, with romance on the horizon ... SUMMARY: After Scully tells him she's leaving the bureau, Mulder wrestles with revealing his true feelings. COMMENTS: This is a three-part series of vignettes which can sort of stand along but form one story. I have set them in May, based on rumors that Scully will decide to quit the bureau at the end of this season. But I'm putting my own spin on this possibility -- after all, if she leaves for good, there won't be much of a show, now, will there? DISCLAIMER: M&S and their backstories aren't mine, but this story is. My only payment comes in the form of feedback (hint, hint). "My Love's Leavin'" belongs to Steve Winwood, et al. ********** Trilogy I: My Love's Leavin' By Shannon O'Connor Somewhere near Washington, D.C. Friday, May 22, 1998 7:22 p.m. Fox Mulder drove aimlessly through the streets outside Washington, paying just enough attention to keep from breaking any traffic laws. His mind was miles away. Inside an Annapolis apartment, to be specific. Mulder fought to keep from closing his eyes against the images his mind was conjuring up. Everything from a rainy night in an Oregon hotel room to a hospital bed in Washington to an old house in Minnesota to a hospital hallway in Pennsylvania to a small chapel in San Diego ... All with a certain redhead at center stage. Mulder sighed and gave in, letting the past six years play through his mind like excerpts from a movie, slowing down for the important parts without ignoring the mundane, the everyday. Times like these, he cherished his excellent memory. Soon, the memories would be all he'd have left. Mulder's thoughts gradually slowed, then came to a screeching halt on one of the moments he'd most like to forget. The day the week before when she'd broken the news to him. Oh, she'd tried to be gentle. She'd built up slowly, telling him she enjoyed working with him and with the X-files. But then she'd ruined her little speech with the two words he'd been fearing for months: "I'm leaving." He barely heard her after that, as she tried to explain her reasons and to reassure him that she still wanted his friendship. He wanted to believe her, but his mind just couldn't wrap around the idea that she would actually leave him. He'd reacted in his typical way. He'd shouted at her, said she was betraying his trust, and she never even reacted. Never showed that her decision, or his words, affected her at all. Ice Queen, indeed. He'd hardly spoken to her since, afraid to do any more damage to what remained of their friendship. He did want to be able to talk to her after she was gone, when there was more literal distance between them. He could apologize then. But he feared what he might say with her so close by. Like that he loved her. he thought sarcastically. No, Mulder had been selfish too long, had held too much back to open up now, when it was already too late. It wouldn't be fair to either of them, even if she believed him. And that wasn't the most likely scenario. More likely, she'd hate him for it. And he *knew* he wouldn't be able to live with that. Mulder finally yielded to his impulse and squeezed his eyes tightly shut against the pain for a brief moment before refocusing on the pavement ahead of him. He didn't know exactly why he was driving around, and he certainly didn't know where he was going -- or if he was going anywhere at all. He just knew he didn't want to go home to his empty apartment, and he couldn't sit in the office now, not with the scent of her perfume permanently embedded in every part of the room. Once she left, he'd have to fumigate the place to kill the scent, or he'd never make it in there. He missed her already, and she hadn't even left yet. Suddenly Mulder was sick of the silence around him, and with a flick of his wrist, he turned on the radio, just in time to hear the DJ: "It's Friday Night 80s, and here's a great one from Steve Winwood ..." >>I can't believe she's going I said please show me What selfish seeds I plant along the way Black harvest today The empty bed she left me, cold on one side Can't believe, only me Shadows in purple thrill me I cry myself awake each night I can't believe that it's true Here am I, where are you Can I cope with today My love is leavin' me Still I'm hoping she'll stay My love is leavin' me But I'll control my feelings I find faith, healing And I'll find hope singing The way is so long But I'm going to be strong Oh, what a turn around Soon, someday I'll be bound And I'll cope with today My love is leavin' me Still I'm hoping she'll stay My love is leavin' me Can't believe, only me Shadows in purple thrill me I cry myself awake each night I can't believe that it's true Here am I, where are you, my love Breathing your perfume chills me Dreams never lie Is it true, asking you My love is leavin' me ...<< Mulder was shaking by the time the song ended, and his car was headed her way. He couldn't do it. He couldn't let her leave. Not until he told her. **********END********** Coming in Part II: What was Scully doing while Mulder was driving around?