Date sent: Tue, 31 Mar 1998 10:19:30 -0800 From: Dominique Meyer Subject: xf fanfic Title: The RoXFiles - I could never give you up Author: Quagmir Author's comments: I didn't get a lot of feedback for my first one, so I just assume that either you hated it, or... nevermind here's another one ;) Can be posted everywhere, as long as my email addy stays attached to it. Special thanx again to Klair, who is my "English reader" :)) (Aww!-K) Disclaimers: They aren't mine, blablabla.... The lyrics belong to Per Gessle (Roxette). Spoilers: lil' cancer mention Ratings: PG (I guess) Classification: MSR Summary: Scully is shot in the head, and things will never be the same... ****************************************************** I've been hiding, lost in the love of another. I've followed the moon and a song and I thought it would take me forever to find a place where I belong. I watch a rainbow rise, I give you all I've got. I could never give you up, the way you make my love shine. I could never give you up, the way you make true love shine. I believe you when you say you don't want to be lonely. I'll carry your heart like a bridge when you need all the time you can find to get the hurt out of your mind. I'll watch the rain go by and give you all I've got. Cause I could never give you up... Per Gessle, 1988. ****************************************************** The RoXFiles - I could never give you up by quagmir Scully's apartment, 0.45 am Scully was asleep on her sofa, after another evening spent at filling reports. She woke up with a jolt; there was a light noise coming from the bathroom. A little disoriented, she nevertheless reached for her gun and padded softly toward her bathroom. She started to yell: "FBI, whoever is in here, come out, hands where I can see them". But she didn't get really far, the door was suddenly opened and someone came crashing through it. She aimed, but before she could shoot, she heard another gunshot, and felt an intense pain, before everything went black. ****************************************************** Mulder's apartment, 1.15 am Mulder layed awake in his dark apartment, he couldn't get any sleep - it was nothing new to him... But this time, he didn't know why, but he had a bad feeling, something was wrong. , he mused. But, as he reached for the phone, it suddenly rang. "Hello. " "Mr Mulder ? " "Yeah, who is it ? " "I'm agent Fremens, and I'm at agent Scully 's apartment. She had an accident, she was shot by what seems to be a burglar, and she is in critical condition. She's been admited in Georgetown, and... " "I'm on my way ", Mulder replied grabbing his coat and rushing through the door. "Mr Mulder ? You still here ? ". But Fremens didn't get any answer. ****************************************************** He didn't have the need to finish his little talk, he arrived at the hospital. He slammed his brakes and jumped out of the car, racing in the building, to the ER. It was relatively calm there, but he spotted a policeman. He ran toward him. "I'm special agent Mulder, I've been called. My partner Dana Scully has been shot, where is she ? " "I'm agent Fremens, well you'd better speak with doctor Leyer. I don't have anymore information for you yet. I have to write a report, sorry about your partner. " With that he left. Mulder stood there, feeling for the first time truly alone, and tried not to let the tears fall. And for the hundredth time since he had gotten this phone call, he wondered what if she couln't make it... Gathering his strength, he went to the nurses desk. "Excuse me, I'm agent Mulder, I'd like to speak with Dr Leyer ? I... I'd like to know Dana Scully's condition." he asked, having to lean against the desk to make sure he didn't collapse. "Yes, just wait I'm calling him, " she replied while watching this handsome man trying barely to maintain his composture in front of her. "Why don't you go and take a seat, I'll tell him where you are. I'm sure your wife will make it ", she answered gently. Mulder said nothing about the 'wife thing', suddenly too tired. "Oh, and has her mother been called ? " "Yes, we tried, but no one answered, so we called you, being her next of kin." "Thanx." And sat, well better said, he slumped down in the chair, just accross the desk. He then called Skinner to let him know about Scully's condition, and to ask him for the next day off. The nurse called Dr Leyer, who came few minutes later. "Agent Mulder ? " Mulder nodded, already on his feet. "How is she doctor ? What happened to her ? " "Well, I'm afraid the news isn't good. She's been brought into surgery, and from what I could diagnose it doesn't look good. She was shot in the head, and we fear for brain damages. But we have to wait til I can speak with the surgeon. I'm sorry. " He answered, feeling really sad for this man, who looked at him with such sorrowful eyes. But he had other patients to see, so he left. Mulder sat back in his chair, leaning forward, and holding his head in his hands, he started softly to cry. ****************************************************** 3 hours later A nurse came to Mulder, touching softly his shoulder, to wake him up. He first thought that this gentle touch was Scully's but, why would she do that ? He woke up, as reality caught up with him. Scully was in surgery, and ... "Mr Mulder, the surgeon is here, and he wants to speak with you. Please follow me. " He stood up, and went to meet.... . "Mr Mulder, I'm Dr Smith. I have to be honest with you, Ms Scully is in a bad condition, but we cannot pronounce ourselves before tomorrow morning. Right now she's in a coma, and if she makes it through the night, then she'll have a strong chance to live, " he explained to Mulder, whose face was as white as a sheet. "We tried to repair most of the damages, but the bullet entered the right side of the brain, and there isn't much more we can do. I'm sorry. " "I... Can I see her ? " he asked in a whisper, . "Yes, she's in ICU, but you can't stay for long ". "Thanx doctor", and he left, trying to find the ICU, which shouldn't be to difficult regarding their many stays there. But this time it was more serious, he knew that. ****************************************************** The nurses watched him walk by, and with each step he took toward Scully's bed, he seemed to age. Finally he reached her bed. , he spoke to himself as he saw her hooked up on so many tubes, IV... He sat down on the chair nearby her bed, and took her small hand in his own. She seemed to be even smaller, laying here, with all these monitors and equipment surrounding her. "Scully ? I know you can hear me. I'm so sorry, but please come back to me, I need you. We have so much to do together, and so much left unsaid. Oh Dana, I never thought I would be feeling this way one day, but ... I love you, I always have, so please... " He layed his head near her body, and cried again. Finally exhaustion took over, and he fell asleep, inhaling Scully's scent, and feeling safe, even if... The nurse who came, to check on her vitals, seeing this picture, just left him sleeping. . ****************************************************** Some hours later Mulder woke up, feeling his sore back, but most importantly, Scully 's warm hand in his own. , and he dared to smile. "I knew you would be the strong one Scully, so now you have to show me your beautiful eyes", he asked softly. But nothing happened. He had to get up, so he leaned forward, and kissed her softly on the cheek, having a sense of deja vu. "You beat the cancer, so you can beat this one". When he came back, the doctor was already at her bed, the curtains had been closed to allow him some privacy with the patient, and when Mulder walked in, he looked at him, not really knowing where to start. "Mr Mulder, I'd like to speak with you in my office, regarding Ms Scully's condition, " he said. They left, but not before that Mulder checked on Scully and gently kissed her forehead, "I'll be right back". Once seated in Dr Leyer's office, they began to talk. "See, " the doctor started, while showing Mulder, Scully's x-rays, "here, the bullet entered the right side, and how can I say it. Actually she was lucky in her unluck. " Mulder looked him hopefully. "Wait agent Mulder, let me explain. Most of the destroyed cells were double, so she has a huge chance to get everything back. But, and there's a but, we don't know when she'll wake up, and in what kind of state. We'll have to wait, I know it's not easy for you." "Oh boy, and what can I do, is... is there anything I can do," Mulder asked not knowing how to take this latest news. "Apparently you care a lot about your partner, so stay with her, talk to her, it can help her a lot," answered the doctor truthfully. Not knowing what else to do, Mulder left to go back to Scully, where he knew he belonged. On his way, he called Skinner, telling him that there was no improvement, and that the doctors weren't that optimistic. But Skinner told him about Scully's burglar. They have had been able to catch him, when he tried to hold up a little supermarket, his gun matched with Scully's bullet, and he also recognized having shot her, although he claimed it was an accident. . Then he tried again to reach Mrs Scully, but didn't get any answer. ****************************************************** He sat again near Scully's bed, noticing that there were less equipment and monitors around her. , Mulder thought sadly, and thightened his grip on her hand, while he gently stroked her face with the other one, pushing some auburn locks away, trying not to touch the bandage on the right side of her forehead.. "You know Dana, you are still beautiful to me. I know I've never been the one to tell you that, but from now on I will. And well, _when_ you'll wake up, I think I'll bring you 'Superstars of the Superbowl II', but this time along with some flowers, a trip to France, to Paris. You know they say it's the most romantic city in the world", he grinned. , and he sighed. But suddenly he caught a movement. , and he bent toward her, urging her to open these beautiful pools. "Come on Sleeping Beauty, enough sleep, you have to wake up. " Slowly she opened her eyes, taking her surroudings in, and finally resting over Mulder, who this time really smiled. Blue locked with hazel, but nothing happened, and he began to fear that something was wrong. , he wondered, not knowing what to do. He reached, and again stroked her cheek, but still nothing, she just stared. So he called for the doctor, who came rushing. After some examination, he took Mulder aside. "I'm not going to hide the truth from you. She's awake, but she's not responding. Actually I feared such a reaction, and there are maybe more damages that we first thought." "But... but what's going to happen, I mean she won't stay in this state her whole life, doctor ? ", Mulder asked totally staggered by the news. "Well, as far as I can say, it depends on her strength, if she's willing to come back. But I must say that it's going to be a long way. She'll have to relearn everything, and... " "What, you mean she doesn't remember anything ?" Mulder asked, getting paler with each passing word. "I'm afraid yes, I feared something like that would happen. You remember what I told you, about having all the cells in double ?" Mulder nodded, and the doctor continued, "well, it means that she still has it in her to learn everything, and maybe, the time will trigger her inner memory, and she will be able to remember everything. Right now, your best friend is the time. I suggest that we transfer her in to a private clinic. We can't do anything else here for her, I've a friend who works in the Davis Clinic, North from Washington, if you want me to call him", he said trying to sound as gentle as possible, seeing the other man's distress. "Yeah... well... if you think that's the best for her, go on. I don't know what to do, _but_ I'm not giving up. Do what you have to do, and thanks doctor for letting me know the truth," Mulder answered, trying to sound not as helpless as he felt. ****************************************************** Few days later It was a nice day. Outside, the sky was blue, and Spring was finally showing its beautiful colors. But Mulder saw nothing of it, he was once again sitting near Scully's bedside. She's been transfered, and now was in a private room. There were a lot of people who took good care of her. Mulder had finally been able to reach Margaret Scully, who visited her daugther as much as possible, but he could sense that she was giving up. Skinner gave him a leave of absence for an undeterminated time and confirmed that the burglar had nothing to do with THEM. Mulder stayed in a hotel near the clinic, not being allowed to sleep in Scully's room. But it wasn't enough for him, he felt so helpless. He wanted so much to have her back, he missed her deeply, and there were moments, when he didn't know how long he could go on like this. Nevertheless, he had promised to himself, not to let her down. ****************************************************** Scully was laying in her bed, awake as usual, but not focusing. Each day, she was taken to exercise, her 'trainer', Eliot, was really patient with her, and also became friends with Mulder. It wasn't to difficult after all, Mulder was there from dawn til night, and he had to trust someone. Eliot, showed him how to help Scully, to sit in her bed. And together they took her in the exercise room, where she learned to walk again. Progressively, she also began to eat alone, to dress herself, but still she didn't talk, and didn't seem to recognise either Mulder or her mother. The doctors tried everything, but nothing worked. So after two months, they asked to talk with Mulder and Margaret Scully. "As you can see, Dana is again able to do lots of things by herself. The only thing, is that her former one self seems to have totally disappeared. I won't say she's 'dead', but there's nothing more we can do, " said doctor Glen. Mulder thought back at the day she's been transfered to this clinic, he had been so hopeful, and now they were almost back to zero. With what the doctor has just said, he felt once again at a dead end. "And, what do you suggest ?", he wondered defeated. "Well there are different options, either you put her in an institution, I know some of them, where they can really take care of ...." but he couldn't finish, Mulder stood in front of him, holding him by the collar his jacket. "Don't you ever repeat that, she won't go in such a place, you hear me. I'll take care of her," he said determinated. He wasn't going to let her end her life without love around her, even if she wasn't coming back. Margaret just stood there, understanding Mulder's need to protect her baby girl, but not really knowing how she could handle the sight of her daughter being here physically, but not spiritually. "Hey, calm down, I said there were solutions. Taking her home, is also one of them. Being in a familiar environment, can help a lot too, and she doesn't need any more medical attention, so yes, what you are suggesting Mr Mulder is possible. What do you think Mrs. Scully ? " "I think that it could be a good idea, but what if she doesn't make it back. And who will take care of her, I mean you would have to be constantly with her, and Fox I know you care a lot for her, but you have also your work, and...", she explained, not really knowing how Fox was going to take it. "Mrs Scully, don't give up. I know she'll make it back; and don't worry about my work, there's nothing more important to me than Dana. I'm going to resign from the bureau. I have enough money, I inheritated some from my father, and when she's better, I'll take a teacher job, or whatever," he answered, a little shocked by Margaret Scully's answer, but also understanding that it wasn't going to be easy. "Okay Fox, we can try it. I'm sorry I don't have your faith, but let's try it", she said smiling to him. "So when can we take her home doctor ? ", Mulder asked, feeling suddenly hopeful again. "Well I don't see why we should wait any longer, so I'd say, today", he smiled. Back in Scully's room, while sitting on her bed, he took her hand, and stared in her eyes. "Hey 'Sleeping Beauty', today we are heading home. You have been a good girl, so now I'm going to take care of you til you decide to come back to debunk all my theories", he told her, stroking her cheeks. While telling her that he thought he saw a small flicker of something in her eyes, so his hope grew a little more. He helped her up, brought her her clothes, and as he went to leave, he felt someone pulling at his jacket: it was Scully ! "Hey, what's up ? You definitively wanna go home ? ", he asked not daring to sound too hopeful at this sudden progress. She didn't say or do anything else, but he knew that _his_ Dana was coming back. ****************************************************** They decided for Mulder to move in Scully's place, as long as she needed him, and Margaret would come as often as possible. Mulder hadn't told to anyone Dana's reaction, when he told her about going home, still not really believing that maybe... maybe she was coming back. As soon as Mulder and Scully arrived at her place, he put her in bed. While in the clinic he had helped her many times to undress, so it wasn't really a problem for him, except... well the bath, he hadn't thought at that. There, usually is was either a nurse or her mother who stood nearby, just in case. It was really quiet in her leaving room, Mulder was asleep, for once. But Scully was awake, trying to decipher what she has been told today. She took in her suroundings. Everything seemed so familiar, even the tall guy who was by her side each day. She wondered what was happening to her, they all looked after her as if she was... well what was she anyway? Oh yes, she seems to remember a woman too, who also came from time to time, and who called her 'baby girl', < what's that ? >. But exhaution took over, and soon she fell asleep. Dreaming for the first time in a long time, about a gun ??? She had to get up. How was this guy's name again, something about a 'Fox'. She walked into the living room, feeling really secure. < Must be this guy >, she thought. She padded softly to the living room, finding him asleep on her couch. , she smiled. She walked over to where he was laying. , and she became angry, but suddenly she caught herself. While musing over her state, she didn't notice that Mulder had awakened, sensing her presence around him. He watched her, and even with all the lights out, he could see something he thought he wouldn't see anymore: emotions. She smiled, then wrinkled her brow, trying to concentrate, getting angry, then calming down... he couldn't see more because she turned and walked to the window. "Scully ? ", he asked softly. Startled she jumped around, and looked at him. , and once again she frowned. "What is it, you are remembering ?", Mulder said still so softly, trying not to scare her, while he got up and walked toward her. She tried again to speak, but nothing came out of her mouth, she even couldn't form any word, which frustrated her even more. . And with that she began to pace wildly around the room. Well wildly was an understatement, she wasn't able to walk without limping a little, but her pacing was quite funny to watch, at least that's what Mulder thought. "Okay, stop it right now Scully", he said a tone that should have her stopped dead in her track. But it didn't. She was lost in her frustration, thinking about a way to express herself, when she was stopped by Mulder, who caught her by the arms. "Dana Katherine Scully, you stop it right now. If you want to tell me something, then do it !". He watched her struggle with herself, but she wasn't able to do anything. So the frustration was replaced by tears. He gently took her in his arms rocking her slowly, while she tried to calm her sobs, and he lead her to the couch, where they sat down. He gathered her more closely, laying her head under his chin, and let her calm down, while murmuring soothing words, and stroking her back softly. "It's okay, Dana, you know what you did tonight was really great. Since your accident you've never reacted that much. So don't give up yet, you are stronger than that, and I believe in you," while saying that he sensed her relaxing, and her breathing becoming more even. , he mused.. , and he carried her into her bedroom. Once she was tucked in, she became agitated again. He sat down next to her, stroking her hair, and holding her hand. Immediately she calmed down. , he grinned like a fool. So he settled down next to her, and before he even had the time to lay properly, she rolled over, using his chest like a pillow. . Soon he followed her in lalala-land. ****************************************************** When Dana woke up, late the next morning, she thought at how strange her pillow was. So she opened her eyes, and found that it was a chest. She travelled with her eyes over this body, and met two hazel eyes. , and she smiled at him. He smiled back, "Good morning agent Scully". Suddenly something happened in her head. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to remember. She saw 'this good looking man'... always there for her, showing care... And with that she bent down and kissed him softly on the lips. Too shocked to answer, he just left her do what she wanted. But she didn't go further, finding it funny to touch his lips. "Wow, I didn't know you had it in you _agent_ Scully. I'm going to call you this way everytime from now on, if that's what it takes to get a kiss from you", he said jokingly. But Scully was once again lost in her thoughts. . She tried to form anything, any sound, but as nothing happened, she got again angry, when she suddenly heard a growl. Mulder, looked at her in wonder. "Come on, I know you can make it", he urged her gently. So she again concentrated, and: "Mul... Muler.... Mulder ?". "Fantastic Scully, you did it", he smiled and squeezed her in his arms. "Oh I love you so much, you are the best", but while saying that he felt her stiffen. , so he let her go. But to his surprise, she didn't get up, just watched him with astonishment, " love me ?", she asked tentatively. "Yes, I love you," he smiled. "I remember... in the hospital... you told me so too", she explained, still trying to form coherent sentences. Oh it was so great to finally be able to speak again. Mulder thought about the time in the hospital, which was now months ago, "you remember that, but you were in a coma ", he wondered. "Yes, but ... don't know what it is", and she lowered again her head against his chest. "Oh Scully, you will. I promise you, but it takes time. For now, I'm here when you need me, okay ?", he asked while holding her again in his arms. Eventually they had to get up. And it was shower time. "Okay Scully, I leave the door open, and if you need me, just call me." And he left the bathroom. While taking her shower, she suddenly had another flashback. She saw herself walking toward the bathroom, gun in the hand, yelling something about FBI, and suddenly feeling just pain. She collapsed in the shower, the pain being too much to bear. Mulder came rushing through the door, after hearing her falling to the ground. She still had her head in her hands, and was sobbing, trying to get rid of the pain. Mulder took the hugest towel he could find. He stopped the water, and rolled the towel around her now limp body. He gathered her in his arms and put her back on her bed. She had her eyes open, and stared at him. "Hum, Scully, you okay ? I hope I didn't bruise your dignity, but I was afraid you were hurt", he blushed. "Fox Mulder blushing, wow that's something I haven't seen before, oh and I don't mind that much, now we are almost even", she smiled her special Scully smile. "You... what did you say ? Scully is that you ? I mean how are you feeling ? You're remembering ? ", he couldn't stop, he was to surprised, and by the end he was babbling. So Scully decided to show him that she was really back. She grabbed him by the neck, and this time her kiss was less innocent and more passionate. "Oh, and by the way, I love you too," she murmured in his ear. This time, Mulder smiled back, and lend down to kiss her again. "You know," he said to her as they had to stop to breathe, "I really thought I had lost you, but I couldn't give you up, so I thought that maybe by showing you my love you would come back to me. I know it's kinda selfish, but it's just that without you I'm lost", he explained with tears in his eyes. "Sshh, it's okay. I'm here now, and you know that I can't leave you," she soothed him. "There's something else I need to tell you. I have resigned from the FBI. I wanted to stay with you as much time as possible. Now that you are back, I'm going to see if I can get a teaching job, or something. The FBI is over for me. I know that somewhere Sam is happy, and I'd like to get a hold on this happiness... with you. " "Oh Mulder, sure I want to share it with you, and well about the FBI, I think I'll resign too. I won't be able to go out in the field again and even aiming right with a gun is gonna be difficult, so I don't care, as long as I am with you", she answered while kissing him softly. "Good, so now, when are we getting married ?", he asked half joking, half serious. "Whenever you want", she replied in the same tone, "and by the way, I don't mind Paris for our honeymoon." "You heard that too ? Oh boy, I'm just a poor ex-FBI agent", he grinned, "but everything for you, and it's good to have you back _agent_ Scully", he smiled. "Same here, _agent_ Mulder", and they kissed again, knowing that they were going to have a future together. Fin (suffit) ****************************************************** Wow, I didn't intend to write such a long story. But I did it. So you can send me feedback, or.... well I like chocolates, so feel free to send me some ;) It's at: quagmir@geocities.com And my lil homepage is at: www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Studio/8564 Thanx for reading.