Date: Sat, 28 Mar 1998 17:17:06 -0600
From: Connie Pfahlert <spooky@empire.net
Subject: NEVER SAY GOODBYE (1/2)
(This story is not mine--even though i wish it wqas, because it's really
good!, LOL--it's CD Files's. I'm just posing it for her)
Title: Never Say Good-Bye
Author: CB Files
Archive: Anywhere! But tell CB if it's enywhere except Gossamer, please.
E-mail: fstptch@gte.net
Rating; PG
Category: MSR, UST
Summary: After the Pfaster case, Mulder and Scully realize how much they
like (LOVE) each other but are afraid to tell each other b/c of their
pro-relationship. They get an assignment that has a fatal ending...It's
kinda sad!!
POILERS: Irresistible...Not really any others, but if you feel I'm
wrong then tell me!
WARNING: Character death.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: It's kinda sad, but really sweet. This doesn't make sense
with the series after "Irresistible" because there would be no more
Scully. Enjoy!!
DISCLAIMER: These characters, except for Shauna, are not mine. I am just
borrowing them from Chris Carter, FOX, 1013 Productions, and whoever
else might own some part of them. I also believe that they belong to
Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny. I am not making money off of this
but if you still wanna sue me you will get all $182 in my bank account
and little else.
NEVER SAY GOODBYE
1/2
Mulder's Apartment
11:15 pm
As he laid on his couch, he kept thinking of the look on her face after
they caught Donnie Pfaster. He had never seen her break down before.
He wanted to kill the bastard for trying to hurt Scully and causing her
so much terror.
Guilt overwhelmed him. He blamed himself for not protecting Scully
when he knew how vulnerable she had been. He had seen the way cases
like this one affect people--and how it affected Scully.
He vowed to do everything he could not to let anything like this ever
happen to her again. He picked up the phone, glancing at the clock to
see if it was too late to call and hit the speed dial number for
Scully's house.
"Hello?"
He smiled in comfort at hearing her familiar voice. "Hey, Scully it's
me."
"Who else would it be, Mulder?" she said sarcastically.
"How are you feeling?"
"Hmm...Like I fell down a flight of stairs."
"Well, thats ironic." he replied. "Seriously though, Scully, are you
alright?"
"I'm fine, Mulder." she said causing chills to go up his spine. He'd
heard those words too often. "Good night, Mulder."
"Night, Scully." he answered placing the phone back on the reiceiver.
She never ceased to amaze him with her strength. But, he knew that she
was just rebuilding the walls after they'd come crashing down tonight.
He wanted to race over to her apartment, scoop her tiny body up in his
arms, and tell her how much he loved her and that he'd never leave her.
However, he couldn't becaus ethey had a strictly professional
relationship that couldn't be messed with. Or, at least, he thought
thats the way Scully saw it.
Scully's Apartment
11:30 pm
She wished she could have kept her arms wrapped around him forever as
he let her cry all her fears out tonight. But, she knew that it hurt
Mulder to see her walls fall down when she'd always ACTED so strong.
<Was it all an ACT? No,no. It couldn't be. I am strong.she thought
reassuredly to herself.
She walked over to her bed thinking of how wonderful it would be if he
was here with her. To be her partner both in and out of the office. But
she knew what happened when professional and personal mixed together
like with Jack Willis. Then again, she had never trusted or loved a man
as much as Mulder.
Scully's Apartment
6:00am
"Hello?" she answered groggily.
"Morning, Scully!" said an unusually ecstatic Mulder.
"Mulder" she whined, "It is 6:00 am on a Sunday no less. This better
be REALLY good!"
"Well, what do you consider really good?" he jokingly replied.
"Mulder!" she cried realizing that he had no reason for calling. "Lemme
guess. You couldn't sleep so you figured I would just LOVE to hear your
sexy voice." She silently gasped in horror not believing that she'd
actually said that aloud.
"Ooh, Scully. Are you coming on to me?"
"In your dreams, Mulder."
He thought silently, "You don't know just how right you are."
She put on her bathrobe and walked into the kitchen, continuing hher
conversation with, Mulder. She opened a box of individually wrapped
muffins and retrieved one. She began tearing off the wrapper as she
walked to her couch when she heard footsteps outside her door.
"Hold on a sec, Mulder. I think someone's here. Who the hell could it
be this early?" Then she smiled when it hit her why he had called.
Scully's Apartment
6:15am
She didn't even check the peephole before opening the door.
"Hope I'm not interrupting anything, Scully." he said with a sly grin.
She only arched her eyebrow at him and gestured for him to come in.
"Muffin?" she asked walking into the kitchen to fix some coffee.
"Sure." She tossed one to him as he walked over to the couch. "Mind if
I watch some TV, Scully?" She suppressed a chuckle when she realized he
had come over just to be "with" her and watch over her after last
night. She shuddered when she thought about what that bastard wanted to
do to her. <Push it away, Dana. You can't think of that now. It's over
It saddened her that Mulder felt he had to feel guilty about the whole
incident. She knew that he couldn't have prevented it and God knows he
would have done everything humanly possible if he could've. However, it
was his way of dealing with trauma in his life and she couldn't change
that no matter how hurt she was for him.
"Whatcha watching, Mulder?" she said forgetting just who she was
asking. "Or do I want to know?"
"Scully, it's 6:15am on a Sunday. The only thing on is televangelists
and cartoons. You up for some Marvin the Martian?"
"Oh yes, Mulder. I just ADORE short guys." she quipped plopping down
beside him on the couch.
"Hmmm....Then I see why you liked Jack Willis so much then."
She punched him in the arm firmly yet playfully. He rubbed his new
wound and said, "Geez, Scully! For a girl who recently fell down a
flight of stairs you are pretty damn tough."
She smirked and replied, "You forget I'm a military brat, Mulder."
They both laughed for awhile at her remark and Mulder cherished hearing
that rare, but beautiful sound coming from her. The only other time
he'd really heard her laugh was when they were standing in the pouring
rain at a graveyard in Oregon. What could she have possibly been
thinking when she chose to remain partners with him?
Basement Office--J. Edgar Hoover Building
The next day at the office they hadn't said a whole lot to each other,
which wasn't strange for them considering how engrossed they'd get in
their own thoughts. But, throughout the day she kept feeling his eyes
on her. At first she didn't think anything of it because she knew he
was still feeling protective of her, but, as more time went by, it
became unnerving.
"What is it Mulder?!" she yelled when she caught him staring again.
His face became as red as her hair as he looked away in embarassment.
He realized then that she had known he'd been looking at her and
wondered how long she'd known. "Uh...Nothing." he muttered. "How's,
uh...how's your case coming along, Scully?" He answered trying to change
the subject.
She realized she had embarassed him which she felt bad for and simply
replied, "Fine, Mulder...Just fine."
"I'm going for some coffee. You want some?"
"Sure" she answered watching him walk out of their gloomy basement
office.
<Dammit, Mulder! What the hell were you thinking sitting there just
staring at her? Did you really think that if you looked long enough
she'd never leave you again? She knows how protective you feel over
her. He shivered when he remembered busting open the door to find
Pfaster on top of Scully while she struggled to get free. He quickly
dismissed the thought and poured the coffee for them.
<Geez, Dana! Why do you have to get so pissed off at him when you know
he doesn't mean any harm? Is that the way you are supposed to treat
people that you love? Love? She chuckled at the thought. When had she
fallen in love with him? She remembered feeling his love and strength
while she lay unconscious in that hospital bed. It was so comforting to
see him walk into her recovery room after she had awaken. That warm,
caring smile that he saved for ONLY her. <Why couldn't you just tell
him then and there how you felt, Dana?
"Hello? Earth to Scully!" he said when she didn't respond to him after
the second time he said her name.
"Huh?... Oh!...What?" she gasped, startled out of her thoughts as he
handed her the coffee.
"You okay, Scully?"
"Uh, no...I was just thinking about something." she replied wondering
if this was the right moment to tell him. "Mulder, I...I want you to
know that I, uh...Well...I..."
"Whatever it is that you need to tell me, Scully just go with it. You
trust me, don't you?"
"You know that I trust you, Mulder. It's just that...Oh, nevermind.
It was nothing." she sighed. But it wasn't nothing. She was just about
to give her heart to him--AT WORK, no less! <What are you doing, Dana?
That is SO unprofessional!
"Alright, Scully. But you know that I'm here for you if you wanna talk
about it later." he told her wondering if she had been about to say what
he'd always hoped she'd say. He watched the strain on her face as she
tried to dismiss the 'nothing' subject from her mind. OH MY GOD!!! She
HAD been about to say it! Should he let her off the hook and be the one
to say it. To tell her exactly how he felt about her since the day she
walked into his office with that smug look on her face and her hand
stuck out for him to deny. <She is so beautiful. No. It wasn't the
right time or place. But there time would come--and it would have to
be soon.
Basement Office-J. Edgar Hoover Building
1 week later
That week had been difficult for the both of them. They were
constantly making double entendres and then feeling sheepish about
having said them. The act couldn't be kept up much longer and they both
knew it. But, they were both scared out of their minds of ruining the
best partnership they'd ever had and probably ever would have.
"Mulder, I'm going home early tonight." said Scully.
"Oh, okay. I may leave soon, too. I'm just gonna finish up some of
this paperwork and head out. Whatcha up to?" he asked praying that she
didn't have a <gulp date.
"An old college friend of mine is coming by for dinner." she said
noticing the expression on his face, and added with a smile, "Of the
female gender."
<God, am I that readable? Of course, stupid! She knows you better
than anyone. He grinned and replied, "Why, Scully, why should I need
to know that? Don't have too much fun now or I wouldn't know who you
were when you got back tomorrow."
"Thanks a lot, Mulder." she replied dryly and gave him a sideways
smile
closing the door behind her.
Scully's Apartment
6:45pm
She had just pulled the lasagna from the oven when the telephone rang.
"Hello?"
"Dana? Hi, this is Shauna. Listen, I'm not gonna be able to make it
tonight. Some stuff just came up at work and they need me to be there.
I'm really, really sorry about this."
She smiled knowing exactly what it was like to have to drop everything
you're doing for work. "That's alright. Maybe another time. Call me
whenever you get back in town."
"I will, Dana. Again I'm really sorry."
"It's okay. I promise. Talk to you soon, Shauna. Bye," she said
hanging up the phone. "What the hell am I gonna do with all this
food?" An idea popped into her head and she picked up the phone again.
*****************************
She opened the door to let him in and they sat down at the already
prepared table. He had forgotten how gorgeous she was in casual
clothing. <Hell, she's gorgeous no matter what she wears! But,
tonight her faded blue jeans and blue-grey V-neck sweater intrigued him
in a way he hadn't been in a LONG time.
Scully's cooking was wonderful, of course. It always was. They
enjoyed a pleasant converstion of small talk, which was very rare for
them. Then a concerned look appeared on her face that worried Mulder.
"What is it, Scully? I know that look."
His words put a smile on her face. "Mulder, I have been meaning to
tell you something for the past week..." her voice trailed off. "But,
it's somewhat difficult for me to talk about."
He gazed deep into her eyes and softly stated, "Whatever it is,
Scully. You can tell me."
<God, I love this man! "I know that, Mulder. But this is not what
you might be expecting. It's more personal than you may realize." she
said returning his gaze.
"Scully, I've been wanting to tell you something as well. It's pretty
personal, too," said Mulder, putting his hand over hers. They were both
staring so intensively at each other that an observer at this scene
would have claimed to see sparks fly from their eyes. Their heads moved
closer and closer together. He cupped his hand under her chin to pull
her closer. Their mouths were now less than an inch apart when they
heard a loud ring. Mulder's cell phone. The moment had vanished into
thin air.
Mulder reached to answer it, and Scully began to clear the dishes from
the table. As she started cleaning the kitchen up, Mulder told her that
it was Skinner. He needed them back at work right then. She rolled her
eyes thinking of her earlier conversation with Shauna.
(See Disclaimers and everything in part one)
Skinner's Office
9:25pm
They walked into Skinner's dimly-lit office where the acrid-smell of a
certain someone still loomed. Skinner noticed Mulder sniffing the air
and said, "Your nose isn't lying to you, Mulder. That's why I called
you down here. The man you refer to as 'Cancer Man' told me that Krycek
is hiding out in a run-down motel about 15 miles from here."
"What?!" Mulder exclaimed. "Alright, give me directions and
Scully and
I will find him."
"Calm down, Agent Mulder. I will allow you to go down there and bring
him back. But, you must promise me not to do anyhting foolish," he said
glancin at Scully knowing that she would keep him in line. "Here's the
paper with the directions. I'm warning you again, Mulder. If anything
goes wrong becasue you flew off the handle..."
"Thank you, sir. I assure you Mulder won't do anything rash," scully
said politely.
As Mulder opened the door for Scully, he looked at Skinner and said I
appreciate this, sir."
"Agent Mulder, you seemed to have been under the impression that I was
against you. I don't choose sides. I simply report to my superiors and
assign work to my agents."
Mulder nodded respectfully and closed the door.
*********************
On the way to the motel, Scully and Mulder discussed what they
would do
when they got there.
"Mulder, I'm certain this is a trap set up by Cancer Man. Why else
would he have told Skinner knowing full well that Skinner would tell
us?"
"I know, Scully. I have a really bad feeling about this, too.
Are you
sure you're up to this, because I can understand if..."
"I'm fine, Mulder." she said, hating to have to use that trite phrase
again. "I'm more worried that he'll take a shot at you. I mean you are
the driving force behind the X-Files..."
"No, Scully," he interrupted, "You are just a big a part in the
X-Files
as I am. We are partners, Scully. I'm not gonna let you out that
easily." said Mulder grinning.
<God, Mulder. If you only knew how cute you are when you do that.
They had arrived at the run-down motel and got out of the car. It was
a small strip of about 10 motel rooms and a drained swimming pool that
was home to probably 50 different insect species. Pretty scummy place.
Mulder and Scully went into the manager's office to look for a sign-in
book of some sort. They both pulled out their ID's and introduced
themselves.
"Has there been an Alex Krycek staying here, sir?" asked Mulder when
they found no book.
"Nope. The only guy to check in today was some weirdo who had me put
sheets over his windows. Think his name was, uh...Skinner. Waldo, or
Walter, or something like that."
Scully and Mulder exchanged glances both thinking the same thing.
"What room is this guy in, sir?" Scully asked.
"Uh, room 4. Yeah that's it."
"Let's go, Mulder." she said then looking at the manager. "Sir, we
need
you to stay back you stay away from the windows. There may be gunfire.
Nothing to get alarmed about, but we can't be too careful. Thanks."
She and Mulder walked cautiously over to the room that the manager had
told them of and knocked. They waited and got no answer just as they
had planned on.
"Alright," Mulder said quietly. "On the count of three..."
She nodded and they both held their guns under their chins.
"One...two...three," Mulder whispered and kicked the door open. Scully
jumped in the doorway and aimed her gun at whatever might pop out at
=D8 her. Shots rang out.
Krycek fired. Mulder, fired in the direction of the shooter still in
pitch black darkness. Scully slumped to the ground.
Mulder flipped on the light switch after hearing moaning coming from
Krycek knowing that he had been injured. "Scully! Are you okay?" he
said holding his gun on Krycek. He looked down to see her lying in a
pool of blood. <No!!! Don't let this happen!! Please, God, no! He
rushed over to Krycek, handcuffed him, and locked him inside the
bathroom so he could tend to Scully. He tried to stop the blood flowing
from her neck by using his jacket. <God, so much blood! This is not
good He called 911 and held Scully in his arms.
"Scully, you can't do this to me now. I told you that I wasn't gonna
let you out so easily. Don't think a gunshot wound is gonna help you."
She smiled weakly trying her hardest to stay conscious. "Mulder...It
hurts...Really bad...I have to tell you something before..." she
shuddered in his arms at the thought that this was probably the last
chance she'd have to tell him.
"Shh, Scully. I know. I know. It's okay. You don't need to say it
now. I know, Scully." said Mulder quietly weeping.
"No, Mulder...This is something I really need to tell you." she said
trying to sound forceful, but the damage the bullet caused to her larynx
made her voice little more than a quiet whisper. "Mulder, I..." her
voice had quit on her and she mouthed, "I love you."
A dam broke inside him and tears flooded his eyes as Scully lost
consciousness. He shook her to try to make her regain consciousness,
but as he heard the sirens get louder, he felt her leave him. He no
longer felt whole. That feeling would haunt him forever.
**********************
The paramedics rushed Scully to the hospital with Mulder by her side.
But, of course, it was too late. The bullet had sliced open her jugular
and its affect was only slower than that of a knife to the vein. Thirty
minutes after they pronounced her dead, Mrs. Scully arrived frantically
searching for Mulder.
"Mrs. Scully," Mulder said when he saw her looking desperately for
someone with information about her daughter. <Oh, God! How am I gonna
tell her that she's...dead
"Fox, where's Dana? How is she? What's wrong with her?" Mrs. Scully
questioned searching his face for an answer, but the one she got made
her gasp in horror. "No, Fox...Please say it's not true..."
"I'm so sorry, Mrs Scully...I'm sorry" cried Mulder unable to control
his grief.
"No. This...this can't happen! We just got her back! We can't lose
her again!"
"I know. I understand if you blame me because I shouldn't have let her
come with me. I told her it was too dangerous, but...It was my
fault..." he said still unable to pull himself together no matter how
hard he tried. Mrs. Scully wrapped her arms around the tall man who had
become a little boy, and let him cry on her. She knew this man had
loved her daughter more than anything in the world--even if Dana
wouldn't admit it to herself.
"I don't blame you, Fox. you wouldn't have let anything happen to her
if you could have prevented it." she said trying to be as strong as her
daughter would have been for him.
He stepped back from her loving embrace gently, but was unable to look
into her eyes. "I...I never got to tell her...how I felt about
her...She'll never know that I...that I loved her. But, the last thing
she said before...before she..." He couldn't bring himself to admit
that she was gone. His eyes were stinging with new tears as he felt the
words come out of his mouth, "Dana, told me that...that she loved me."
Mrs. Scully smiled weakly at her daughter's strength. Dana had never
been braave enough to admit her feelings to Mulder before. It was
typical for her to find that courage as she left this world. "Fox, Dana
knew. Now come on. Let's get you home."
Scully's Apartment
2:30am
That night Mulder slept in Scully's apartment. Mrs. Scully had
suggested because she felt Mulder could tell her good-bye that way.
But, she didn't realize that Mulder could never say good-bye to Scully.
He laid in her bed shedding tears that he had hoped would never have to
be shed. His mind flashed pictures of Scully in front of him. Their
first case in Oregon when she came into his room and let hiim examine
her. The time she called him Fox and told him, "I'd never put myself on
the line for anybody but you." <Why didn't you say root beer instead of
iced tea, stupid? Why weren't you strong enough to tell her how you
felt? That time in the Icy Cape when she put him in confinement and he
told her, "I don't trust them. I WANT to trust you." The time she sat
on his hospital bed during the Luther Boggs' case and told him why she
couldn't "believe." The embarassed look on her face after that guy from
the Kindred tried to seduce her. The way she looked as he walked up to
her in that dark parking lot after they'd been shut down. <God, you
were such a jerk to her and what did she do? She stuck right by your
side! She put up with every psycho theory you came up with even if she
didn't agree with it. If she'd never met you she'd still be...No! She
wouldn't want you to blame yourself, Mulder. you have to keep her
memory alive. He remembered how happy and relieved he felt when
Melissa called him to say that Dana was out of the coma. Scully's face
was so radiant and beautiful <Like an angel when he walked into that
recovery room. So strong. That's the way he would remember her
forever.
"Scully," he said aloud, "If you can hear me, then I want to tell you
that I'm sorry for never being strong enought to tell you how I feel. I
love you, Dana and you have to know that I will never be whole without
you. I hope that you are okay in whatever after-life you have
encountered. This is not good-bye, Dana. I love you."
As Mulder sobbed away his grief, a beautiful voice came to him as
crystal clear as a song on the radio. "I'm fine, Mulder."
THE END
So what did you think??
Please send all comments (Good or bad...I dont mind criticism) to
fstptch@gte.net...Thanks for taking the time to read my fanfic!!