Date: 6 Apr 1998 00:10:39 GMT
From: kris_harnage@yahoo.com  
Subject: NEW!!! Gone Too Far; VH; PG

TITLE: Gone Too Far
AUTHOR: Katwoman
E-MAIL: kris_harnage@yahoo.com
DATE: 3 April 1998
DISTRIBUTION: Sure. Fine. Wherever. Just let me know!
RATING: PG
CATEGORY: VH
SPOILERS: None
CONTENT WARNING: Warped sense of humor! Some bad
language.
KEYWORDS: None
SUMMARY: Mulder undergoes regression hypnotherapy again
and things go seriously awry!
DISCLAIMER: Do I have to go through this every single
time? I do??? Well, alrighty then. Mulder and Scully do
not belong to me and never, ever will. They belong to
CC, 10-13 and FOX. I am merely messing with their minds
-- well, at least Mulder's!
COMMENTS: This one came to me over a hysterical lunch
conversation with two co-workers. This is my first
attempt at a totally humorous piece. It is seriously
warped, but was just too good to pass up. To those who
read it and say I'm sick, I say "Thank you very much!"
You're finally starting to know the REAL me! <vbeg!!> 
DEDICATION: To David -- thanks for the inspiration! :-)

"GONE TOO FAR"
By Katwoman

J. Edgar Hoover FBI Building basement office
Washington, D.C.
Somewhere around lunchtime ...

"Hey Scully, you busy this afternoon?"

"No, not really, why?"

"Well, I have another regression hypnotherapy session,
and Dr. Werber is going to attempt to go further than
he ever has before, so I may be in no shape to drive
home," Mulder explained.

"No problem, Mulder," Scully said. "What time is your
appointment?"

"Four o'clock."

"Just let me know when you're ready to go," Scully
said, turning back to her computer and taking another
bite of her sandwich.

"OK. Thanks, Scully."

#####

Dr. Heitz Werber's Office
Washington, D.C.
4:20 p.m

Scully sat in the waiting room leafing through a
magazine that was really of no interest to her. She
flipped back to the cover for a second look, "Applied
Microwave and Wireless." <No wonder,> she thought to
herself. <Sounds like something The Lone Gunmen would
read. What is this doing in a psychiatrist's office
anyway?>

She got up, crossed the waiting room and looked for
something more suiting her taste. She finally settled
on the latest copy of "People" magazine. It was a
special edition for Valentine's Day, with pictures of
Hollywood couples on the cover. "Wedded Bliss" it read.

One of the couples was David Duchovny and Tea' Leoni.

"Wedded bliss?" Scully muttered under her breath,
looking at the tall, lanky, dark-haired woman with the
good-looking man with gorgeous hazel eyes. "Yeah, I
give it another year."

She checked her watch. Mulder should be deep into his
regression by now ...

#####

"What do you see, Mulder?" Dr. Werber asked in a
soothing tone.

"I see my sister, Samantha," he said. "We're playing a
board game. She's trying to turn the channel on the
television. I call her a 'buttmunch.' She sticks her
tongue out at me."

"Yes, yes, buttmunch ... we've been through this
before," said Dr. Werber. "Let's try going back a bit
further to see if you can remember anything significant
from earlier in the evening. Think back ... concentrate
.."

"We had hot dogs for dinner."

"How is that significant?"

"I don't remember liking hot dogs," Mulder said. "I
never eat them now."

"Oh, I see. Try to think of something more. Go back
further in your mind."

"I hear a baby crying."

"A baby?" Dr. Werber asked.

"Yeah, I think it's Samantha. She's in her crib. I just
pinched her."

"I think you've gone a little bit too far back ..."

"Now I see myself at my third birthday party ... I am
so embarrassed! Mom made me wear this stupid clown hat
and a big nose. I wanted cowboys and Indians, but she
said toy guns and arrows were too dangerous."

"Mulder, I think we're getting off track."

"But I wanted to be the Lone Ranger!" Mulder cried in a
little boy voice.

Dr. Werber started to get perplexed. Mulder's
regression was out of his hands.

"Oooo, it's dark in here," Mulder suddenly said in a
very tiny, squeaky voice.

"Dark in where?" Dr. Werber said.

"Don't know," Mulder said in the same tiny voice.
"Can't move around much. Starting to feel a little
claustrophobic."

<My God! He's gone too far! I think he's regressed to
the womb!> Dr. Werber thought to himself. <What the
hell am I going to do?>

"Oh my God! What is Daddy doing to Mommy?" Mulder said,
his eyes suddenly flying open.

Dr. Werber's face was ashen.

"Dr. Werber, what the hell just happened???" Mulder
demanded.

"I ... I don't know what to tell you, Mulder. I think
you ... no, you couldn't have. That's not possible!!!"

"What's not possible, Dr. Werber?" Mulder asked,
looking totally confused.

"I ... I think you were able to regress back to the
point of conception!"

"Conception??? Whose?

"Yours!" Dr. Werber cried.

"OH MY GOD!" Mulder screamed, springing from his seat
and tearing out of the office.

#####

Scully jumped as Mulder came flying out of Dr. Werber's
office into the waiting room, grabbed her by the arm
and started dragging her towards the door.

"Mulder!" she yelled, yanking her arm from him,
bringing them both to a stand-still. "What's wrong?"

"I just saw my parents having sex!"

"What????" Scully exclaimed, totally confused. "Mulder,
what in the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!" Mulder said, closing
his eyes, trying to block out the image now burned into
his brain. Damn his photographic memory!!!

"What???" Scully asked.

"Now I REALLY need therapy!" Mulder cried.

#####FINIS#####

MULDER: "I think you better get up here."
SCULLY: "What is it?"
MULDER: "It appears that cockroaches are mortally
attacking people."
SCULLY: "I'm not going to ask you if you just said what
I think you just said, because I *know* it's what you
just said."
-- "WAR OF THE COPROPHAGES