From: Caroline Webb Date: Sun, 22 Mar 1998 15:18:18 -0000 Title: Golden Days of the X Author: Trustyone Rating: PG (for the language) Classification: SH (I hope) Spoilers: None Keywords: Alternative universe Summary: Gillian Anderson, David Duchovny, Chris Carter and Co from 1013 cause havoc at the Golden Globes DISCLAIMER: The X Files, Mulder, Scully...oh sorry wrong story......Chris Carter, Gillian Anderson, David Duchovny, the rest of the cast and crew at 1013, Jane Seymore and Dennis Franz do not belong to me. They belong to themselves. Honest!!! I am only writing a piece of fiction, it never happened, it may happen. In this story GA is not divorced and DD is not married to Tea Leoni (she should realise she is a *very* lucky lady). It is set after season four. No infringment, offence, or disrespect is intended towards anyone in this piece. And, no, they really aren't this wierd!! Author's speech: I would like to thank my close friend Mark Taylor for being one of only two X-Philes I know and who puts up with my crazy mind every time we speak. I would also like to thank my family for not committing my to a mental institute (yet) and for my other friends who accept my insane ways. This story would not have been possible without my computer monitor and keyboard. I would also like to thank anyone who, while reading this particular paragraph, doesn't think I a complete raving lunatic! P.S. This ain't a typical "X File" story. OK? P.P.S. I really don't think this is the best thing ever written. OK? Enjoy! Comments, flames, chocolate, constructive critisism, jokes, rumors, spoilers, flowers...um...feedback is welcome! Please, PLEASE, *PUH-LEEZE* send to caroline@thewebbs.demon.co.uk --------------------------------------------------------------------X Golden Days of the X by Trustyone --------------------------X Golden Globe Awards Hollywood California David Duchovny walked through the masses of familiar faces and celebrities at the Beverly Hilton Hotel looking for 'the gang'. The air-headed Jane Seymore, with whom he had had the hellish pleasure of being stuck with for the last 15 minutes, had totally fried his intellectual brain with tales of how she managed to keep her hair looking so beautiful while looking after so many UberSeymore's. He needed to get to Gillian and Chris before his mind blew a fuse. He had to practically peel Seymore of himself as he had tried to make a hasty departure. Now he was looking for his work mates. The ceremony had been over for an hour and the numerous celebrities who had attended were now "partying", if you could call it that. Most of the cast and crew of Homicide and ER, and and few other celebrites (who will remain nameless) had kind of passed out on the floor. Only after the ER cast had tried to disect George Clooney. They had to be constantly reminded that they weren't really qualified medical doctors. This had broken their little hearts. David looked around hastily for Gillian, he knew her hair could be seen a mile away, even in the pit of darkness. As he had suspected, his co-star's bright red hair shone out to guide him back to decent conversation. Gillian had been looking for David...and alcohol. She spotted a half empty bottle on an unatteneded table she though brightly and downed the whole bottle in one go. Then she spotted her lost co-star and sauntered (as best she could) over to him as Dennis Franz staggered over to her. "Hey, there". His breathe stank of very strong whisky. "Hello", she said politely, "been at the drink again have we?". She couldn't forget how he had thought he had been 'in with a chance' last year! She still regretted not smacking him then, but Chris and David had restrained her. "Hell, yes. You?", she shook her head, "Shame....I was kinda hopin' that you would wanna....red heads really do it for me ya know!". Gillian stopped in her tracks and stared at the drunken, pathetic excuse of a man. Maybe she would get a chance this year. "Excuse me! Well, for your information Mr Franz, I'm married and you are married, although, it is a wonder how the Hell you could possiably *be* married". "Never stopped me before", his glassy eyes staring somewhere below her chin. He hadn't got the message. "I'm not a red-head", she tried to restrain herself, it wasn't working. "Still never stopped me" he slurred, still not looking at her face. His hand suddenly tried to lunged out towards her petite body. His cheek was met with the im-measurable force of Gillian's fist in his nose. He looked up as she stormed off towards Doooooo-cok-kneee . He passed out as he crashed onto the floor. No one noticed as everyone else was unconcious. --------------------------X "Hey, David. Where you been?" "Huh? Talking to Doctor Quinn, folicle woman". Gillian smiled as she saw the flustered look of her co-star. "Still drooling over you is she?". He nodded. "What happened with intoxo-man?". He gestured to the sorry man laying on the floor. "I introduced him to my physical nature" "Ooh. Will I ever be introduced to your 'physical' nature?" "You never know" "Oh, I'm seeing a whole new side of you Anderson" "Is that a good thing?" "I 'like' it" "Well that's all you can do 'cos I'm married!" "Shame" "Really! I never knew you liked me like that Duchovny" "You never know" "And I never will" "Shame" "I don't think so!" she said with a jokingly matter-of-fact tone. David looked at her with mock hurt. Gillian smiled. "Where are the others?" David asked. "Huh? Oh...last time I saw them, Chris was trying to surf on one of the tables, Clyde was professing his undying love for me to a plant, ...that's all I can remember" "Ah-ha" "Wanna join me outside?" "Yeah go on. You gonna smoke?" "Well...yes. But if you have some alcohol on you, I may change my mind!" "What is it with you and wine?" David asked puzzled. "Well, the alcohol is *free*!. What else does a girl do at things like this!?" "I dread to think" David said dryly. "So, you haven't drunk anything? You look like you need a drink...fast!" "Gee, thanks Gill!" She shrugged at him as they walked to the back door. David shook his sadly, he hadn't had the chance to drink anything and he didn't thik he would get the chance seeing as though everyone had beaten him to it. They walked outside through onto the terrace where hoards of celebs were smoking. There was a cirle of people sitting on the tarmac, in the lotus position, chanting Beatles music. Glen Morgan was among them, chanting Elvis tunes. The two sat down on a free seat, Gillian lit up a cigarette and took a long, deep drag. "You know, you should give that up" "Bite me" "Franz pissed you off again" "He came on to me again, so this year I knocked him out!" "Wish I could do that with Seymore!" "Why don't you! I would" "Really?" "Well...no. I have no reason to" "I can think of one" "Really?". She took another drag off her cigarette. "Yeah. You knock her out for harassing your co-worker" "I couldn't care less about you being harassed. But I would love to cut her hair off" "I'd love to see ya do that!" "You know, one of these years we are gonna be in deep shit" Last year, they had gotten into trouble with security after Franz, Duchovny, Clooney and a few TV drama male leads got into a pro wrestling match. Luckily it hadn't made the papers. These functions were brilliant cover-up conspiricy type affairs. David suddenly gasped as Jane Seymore came running over. "Oh God!" he gasped. "What?" Gillian asked worried. David pointed over to Seymore. "Gill? Do me a favor, you do owe me after all" "Depends. What?" "Sit on my lap" "What?!? "Do it!?!? I'll...owe you...big time!" Gillian sighed as she slid onto David's lap. "Oh, David! I've been looking all over you! Oh.." Jane Seymore suddenly stopped when she saw Gillian and David. "What?" David asked in over-the-top interest. "Umm, your busy...never mind...I..uh". As quickly as she had arrived, she left again. "You owe me a hundred-fold!!! She will tell *everyone* that something is going on!!!!" "Well if she starts rumors about us, you have a reason to cut her hair off! I can supply the scissors!" "Shut up Duchovny!" David shrugged as they got up and went back inside. "I'm really *that* bad? I mean, wouldn't you want to sleep with me?". His stomach came into contact with her elbow. --------------------------X Back inside the hotel, Frank Spotniz was crawling around the floor, looking for spare change. Gillian spotted a half empty bottle of wine "Oh, drink!". She drained the bottle dry before David could get any of it. Chris was 'surfing' to the tune of Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You", atop the centre table in the large hall. David was suddenly forced against the wall by a drunken, bloody Dennis Franz who spoke. "Hell-Oh Mr Hot-shot-from-the-FOX-NETWORK? Howzzzzz the lady?" Franz gestured (or maybe 'leered' is a better word) towards Gillian. "How's the nose?" "You pissing me off DOOOO-COCKEEEE! Or is it Doh-cookie? Or Dull-off-kneee? Doooo-cuff-neee?" "DOO-KUV-NEE! And yes I am" "Well, I would hit you but I can't see properly" "Well, I wouldn't hit you but you're a winner who screwed up my name, so I'll have to hit you instead. Kindly take two steps back then run into my fist" he ordered dryly to the man, holding up his fist at the level of Franz's head. Gillian came over to restrain her co worker "David...let it go" she sighed. she thought. "You wanna piece of this?" David threatened Franz. "Huh?" was all Franz could answer as David's fist flew into the head of drunked Dennis. "David!" Gillian tried again. David and Dennis punched, kicked and struggled. Each time David hit him, he pronounced his name, correctly. "Duchovny!" "*Duchovny*!" "DUCHOVNY!" "David!!!!!" Gillian screamed. He continued to ignore her so she went to extreme measures. She jumped onto his back and put her arms around his shoulders and neck. He tried to shake her off. "Damn it Gill! Get off!" "Fuck it Dave!!! Leave it!!!!" she screamed as she continued to hang on for dear life. Chris Carter was now humming the theme tune to Hawaii 5-0 and Clyde Klotz was hugging the trunk of a potted palm tree while whispering sweet nothings to it. Frank Spotnitz was still searching the floor. So far he had found three dollars worth of change.=09 --------------------------X The X Files stars looked a sight as security walked in to see flamed-haired Gillian Anderson being given a 'piggy-back' roller- coaster ride by a well angry David Duchovny, who was smacking a semi -concious Dennis Franz. The burly security guards restrained Duchovny, resusitated Franz, and peeled off a hysterically Anderson off the back of her work mate. , they thought dispairingly, . They carried off the three actors to the back offices, pulled Chris Carter off the table and got the others too. --------------------------X In the offices, Gillian nursed the bloody lip of David. "Hey, you know you have the healing touch!" David said. "Well after years of playing a doctor, I should think so!" She sat down after the blood had stopped flowing and smoothed the creases out of her gown. Dennis Franz lay on the floor, out cold. Carter was, again, 'surfing' on a desk, Klotz was now singing "I Will Always Love You" to a coat stand and Spotnitz was screaming..."A nickle! I found *a nickle*!!!" The director of the ceremony walked in....and then out again. "What are you doing? Aren't you gonna have a word with them?" asked a slightly pissed off security guard. "Why the Hell should I waste my breath!" "Because...they were...I mean they are...OK, I know they did this last year, but...oh fuck it! Never mind!" "Exactly! Take them back to the party". The guard obeyed. --------------------------X Three hours later David was now totally out of his head...and still standing. Franz staggered over to him. "Hey David, ol buddy!" "What do you want!?" david said angrily. "Just wanna see how David Doo...Doo-cuff...Doh-cook.....David is doing!" "No, what do ya really want!?! And it's DU-CHOV-NY!!!!!!" "Well the reason why I came over is 'cos me and my mates over there," he gestured over to were his equally drunk collegues were standing (well, sitting and falling over, and laying down), "and we were wondering if you and the lady...Gillian...had ever...you know..." "No we ain't...and you ain't gonna either! Her husband is here ya know!" "Well he wouldn't notice ya know!". Franz was right. Clyde Klotz was begging forgiveness to 'Gillian-the-pot-plant'. It seemed that Clyde had been having an affair with the potted palm tree, who was called Bamboo, but...... "Not Bambi, never Bambi!!!!" he moaned, on his knees. David sighed. Franz spoke up again.=09 "What about you and me have a bet?" "Huh?" "What say, the winner gives the loser ten dollars? Fair?" "Hey, depends on the challenge!" "OK, it's just to see who can get to kiss the gorgeous Mz. Anderson" "Huh? No way! That's gross!!!!!! She's my best friend!!!!! Are you *mad!?!" "No, just intoxicated!!! Never mind!!" Franz walked away giggling. "Hey Mister Paris, France!! I'll do it!!!!" "Huh?". Now it was Dennis's turn to be confused. "OK" "Fine. You can go first!" "OK, get your cheque book out Duchovny!" "It's alright, I think I have the cash." --------------------------X Gillian was on top of a table, lying down on her back laughing hysterically as the ceiling fan blades slowly went round, and round, and round, and round... Suddenly a dispairing David screamed "Gill!!!!!! I've a brain wave!!!!!!!!! It's genius!!!!!!!!!". He repeated it over and over as he ran around the hall like a headless chicken. Gillian jumped up. "They went round 24 thousand piont two five times!!!!!!" she screamed pointing to the air conditioning fans on the ceiling. She stood on the round table, jumping up and down in her peppermint chiffon dress, that had a wine stain down the front. David lept his six-foot-one-inch frame into the air and onto the table to join Gillian. "Hey Sc..Gill?" "Huh?" "You know...um...whats-its-nane...Mulder! And Scully?". Gillian nodded her head in total confusion. "Got a drink?" she asked. David shook his head, she began to sulk, "Need drink. Need *alcohol*! Need DRINK!!!!" she screamed. "Anyway, Gill....what would happen if you know, Mulder and Scully 'got it together?'" he began to giggle like a girl. "What? You mean '*how* would they get together' or '*if* they would get together?" "Huh? Um...how...yeah, definatley how!" "Um....I don't kno...what was the question again? Gotta drink?" "Um...Gill? You know we're best mates and all!?!". Gillian nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah Dave, we'll be friends forever and ever and ever and ever and..." she gave him a big hug. "Well, don't tell anyone but," he croiched down to her level as he perpared to tell her a secret, "You know Paris France? He made me make a bet...to see if I would kiss you before him!" "Ee-ww! That's gross, we're best buds!" "Yeah. What about Franz?" "Ee-ww, he's gross too!" "Yep!" he said triumphantly. "Wanna help me get ten dollars? I'll halve it with ya!". Gillian nodded in agreement and they began to plot... --------------------------X Ten minutes later Gillian walked over (well, more like swayed over) to Dennis Franz who had just finished another bottle of red wine. He had lost count of how many he'd had, but he didn't seem to care. "Dennis?" "Oh, red-head! Hi!" "I know you want me!" she said in a low, seductive, yet drunken voice. "Uh-huh!" "I know you want me, bad. Don't ya!" she said in a low sexy tone. "Uh-huh!" Dennis's tongue was hanging out and he was drooling over her. "Did you know you have beautiful brown eyes?" he said even though he wasn't looking at her eyes. Mind you he wasn't looking at her face for that matter. "Well Dennis...I know you wanna kiss me!" "Uh-huh!" "Well... I would...not because I know you want to win money you bastard!!!!" she shrieked in his ear. "No, I...red...I...it was Dohcuffly!" "No, it was you! And it's DU-CHOV-NY!!!!" she yelled as she slapped him across the left side of his face and stormed off. Franz fell to the floor from the force, he was too out of it to register with the pain. --------------------------X One minute later Gillian skipped back, falling over every three steps as her dress, again, was too long for her petite figure. David jumped down from the table, where he had been entertaining the drunken crowd with Elvis impressions (at the request of Glen Morgan), and hugged Gillian. She giggled a girly laugh as he lifted her into the air. "Hey Scu..Gillian..wanna kiss me in victory?" "Hey Mu...David...no! That's gross, we're best buds!" "Yeah, but we kiss when one of us wins an award!" "Yeah, but that's for 'well done'!" "Ain't that the same as a 'victory'!?" "Well...no" "Don't you want five dollars?" "Yeah, but it's still gross!" "Ok..." "Ok..." "Wanna drink?" "Oh, go on then!" --------------------------X Twenty-five minutes later The X files cast and crew (who were at the ceremony) were all sat on a large round table in a circle. Chris was now acting crazyily, humming the theme tune of Sesame Street. "Lets play 'truth or dare'!" screamed Klotz. "No!" replied a glum David who was now pissed off that he had lost his chance to get five dollars. "OK!" replied Gillian, who was holding on to her twenty- somethingth bottle of wine. "Chris, you go first! Truth or Dare!" Klotz asked. "Truth! But remember...trust no one!" he said mysteriously. "Ooh!" Gillian gasped in awe. "Oh goody! Truth...um...how did you get the idea for The X Files?" Spotnitz asked. "You know that." "No I don't" said Glen Morgan. "OK! OK! Stop with the third degree already!!!!!! The janitor of the surf magazine I worked for gave it to me!!!! ALRIGHT!!!!" Chris screamed in terror. The alcohol had definately affected him. "OK. My turn!" he said, suddenly cheerful. "David...how do you and Gillian get that sexual chemistry on the screen?" "Huh...oh...um...dunno!" "Can't be an answer! 'Dunno' ain't an option!" "Hey! You didn't ask me if I wanted 'truth or dare'!" David angrily pointed out. "Maybe I want 'dare'!" "OK, David...Truth or dare?" "Truth" Chris sighed. "OK, how do you and Gil..." "OK, you don't have to repeat yourself, surfy dude!!! I dunno, it's just there, I didn't buy it or anything!" Chris looked really hurt at being called surfy dude. "Hey, I ain't no beach bum, I'm a serious screen-play writer!" He stormed off. "OK, Gillian...what's it like to give birth?" Morgan asked. "What kinda hell question is that?" screamed Mark Snow who had just woken up from his alcohol induced coma. "Oh, it's so painful, but really wonderful in the long run" answered Klotz. "Hey it's my questiuon, not yours!!!!" Gillian screamed at her husband. "Sorry Gillian, I didn't mean to. I just...couldn't help myself!!!" Klotz cried out. "OK, forgiven!", Klotz shut up, "It's real painful. You feel like your insides are being pulled inside out. Your stomach bulges and moves and you feel this thing slide and wriggle and move around in your body. The pain is unbearable, I mean your vagi..." she looked up to all the men going green with ill feeling. "Mind you, I didn't actally give birth to Piper. I had a C-section. But, I'll be glad to tell you about the morning sickness and diper changing!" she said brightly. Clyde ran to the nearest pot plant and began to throw his guts up, while he gasped "No more. Please, don't let me live through all that Hell again". Gillian stared at the fans as they continued to spin. "OK, David...truth or dare?" Spotnitz spoke "Dare" "OK, I dare you...to french kiss...Gillian!" "What the Fu.." David asked alarmed. "Are you mad!?" "Ee-ww!" said Gillian. "Nope" relied Spotnitz. "Pass" David said. "Cant do that!" Spotnitz snapped back. "He can...and he has!" Gillian backed up David. "Well...OK. Gillian...truth or dare?" "Dare" Gillian whispered. "OK, I dare you to french kiss...David!" "NO fair!" Gillian and David said in unison. Spotnitz laughed as Gillian and David looked uneasyliy at one another. "Hey, I'm married. I can't!" Gillian pointed out, to David's relief. "Hey, I don't mind. Your drunk, I'm drunk, we're all drunk. We won't remember it in the morning!" Klotz said from the plant pot. "See? You have your husband's approval!" Spotnitz delared. =09 Gillian, furious at her husband, ran over to David even though they were sat on the same table and whispered in his ear... "What are we gonna do? Clyde doesn't mind...but I don't wanna do it!" she moaned. "Me either!" "But, we are drunk so it we wouldn't remember, that is, only if we see don't see a way of getting out of this" "Yeah but, it would be wierd for us!" "I know, but...." Suddenly there was a whispered chanting that got louder and louder as not only the X Files cast and crew started to repeat over and over "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!", but, other celebs who were still concious were joining in. "Looks like we ain't getting out of it alive" Gillian whispered glumly. David nodded in agreement. --------------------------X Three seconds later Gillian followed David onto the table and hid behind him as the crazy, drunk crowd continued their chanting. They encircled the table and Spotnitz jumped up onto the table and forced Gillian and David to face one another. Gillian looked into David's drunked gaze. David looked into Gillian's glazed blue eyes. They (not under any kind of self control) moved, slowly closer and closer to one another. David placed his hands on her waist as she put hers on his shoulders. Their faces were inches away. Centimetres away. Millimetres away.... =09 Their lips touched in a warm, friendly kiss. Not a passionate kiss as many reporters burst through the doors. Franz had tipped off the press that Gillian Anderson and David Ducuffly (or it is Dulloffnee?) were announcing their engagment!!! Camers flashed and clicked as they recorded the clinch that Gillian and David were in, but the X File stars didn't seem to take in the fact that the cameras belonged to the press. They just stood there. Their arms around each other in a friendly embrace and all the drunken celebs around them cheering. Although, the reporters were reading a whole lot more than there actually was. --------------------------X The next morning. Gillian Anderson walked out onto the terrace of her large hotel room. Her head was thumping with pain. She swore that she would never drink again, like she said every time she got a hangover. The sun shone onto the terrace. It was about ten in the morning. She had been awaken by Piper who was now down at the large swimming pool with the nanny. Clyde was snoring like a fog horn. She watched for a while as her daughter splashed about in the shallow end of the pool. Gillian felt ill as she watched Piper move with so much energy, she just wanted to go back to sleep but she had to pack everything as she was back at work tomorrow. Shw walked back into the room, as there was a light knock on the door. Room service. There was a hot english breakfast and the morning paper. She sat down to read the paper. She couldn't face food. She flicked through the pages to where an article was about the Globes the night before. She gasped in shock as she saw a huge, full page photo of her and David, seemingly kissing, on a table and nearly everyone who was there around them. she thought as she began to feel sick. She couldn't remember a lot about the night before and wondered how the Hell that had happened. Clyde would not be pleased. She wondered if David had seen it. The phone rang, once, twice. She realised what the ringing was and dashed over to the phone. "Gillian?" He'd seen it. "Oh...David" "You saw it too?" "Yep" "Do you remember anything? I don't" "I think there was an awards ceremony. I *know* there was alcohol. Does Chris know?" "Don't think so. Does Clyde know?" "Not yet." "OK. Bye" "See ya later" =09 They both hung up the phone and she went to get changed. --------------------------X Three hours later Gillian was down in the lobby, waiting for the car who would take herself and her family to the airport. Piper clung onto her leg and constantly complained that she was bored. Clyde was sat down, nursing his bad head. David was stood at the other end of the reception area, talking to Carter. Dennis Franz approached him. "Hey Duchovny!" "Wow, you got my name right" "Yeah well, once you get it beaten into you, you kinda try to remember it" "Well, what d'ya want?" "Oh, to give you that. You did win! Afterall a bet is a bet" "Huh?!" "Remember? We..", Franz dragged David away from Chris, "We made a bet to see who could kiss Gillian first. You won, as everyone in LA and California knows!" "Oh, yeah right." David accepted the 10 dollars. He was relieved. He started to remember. Thank God. "Oh, yeah. I..um..was a bit pissed off that you won, I mean, you work for the Fox network, so I told the press you were announcing your engagement" David felt like hitting him, but, amazingly, kept his cool. he thought, an evil grin crossing his face. David walked over to Gillian and told her (and Clyde) what he had been told. Gillian was very angry, very very angry. "He WHAT!?!?" "He was the one who told the press" "I'll kill him!!!!" David smiled at this comment. "Gill, that ain't wise!" David said, trying to conceal his joy at the thought of Franz being beaten up again. He also said it as an attempt to help Clyde, who was trying to restrain his wife, but failing in his attempt. "Huh? Shut up Duchovny! You got us into this mess. I mean, you always have to win in an arguement or bet, or what ever!!!" "I don not always have to win!!" he argued back. "See! Now get out of my way!" Gillian stormed over to Franz and politely tapped him on the shoulder. He turned to see a smiling, calm Gillian Anderson. Then he saw her fist. He felt her fist. Then he felt the cold floor and blood on his lip. A car horn blew outside. Gillian picked up her hand-all bag and calmly walked out. Clyde looked at her open mouthed. "You coming or what?" Gillian snapped. The two scared men vigoriously nodded their heads, fumbled with their luggage and ran into the car. "Red-heads are so scary" "Yeah, well Gill can be scary anytime" Clyde said to David as they loaded their cases into the car. "I heard that!" Gillian snapped as she helped Piper into the vehicle. The men shut up, got into the car and didn't breathe a word for the rest of the journey. "Oh, and David? Next year, *I* make the bets!" --------------------------------------------------------------------X T H E E N D --------------------------------------------------------------------X What did you think? All comments to caroline@thewebbs.demon.co.uk Well what do ya think?!? P.S.S.S. If anyone mentioned in this story read this......sorry! Hey it's only make believe, for God's sake!!!!!!!!!!! Don't sue.....PUR-LEEZE!!!!!! (down on hands and knees). P.S.S.S.S. Not intended to hurt or mock or insult anyone in the story, ok?